Thursday, May 28, 2009

Thursday, May 28 - Hello??

Hello? Anyone there? :o)
I see from comments left that some of you have been checking to see if I am back. Well, I am, I think! I am sorry, I know it has been a long few months.

I started a medication to stop smoking a few months ago. From the beginning, I had headaches, nausea, foggy headed and depression. The dr said it was all normal, gave me some meds for the nausea and said, "hang in there, it's only 3 months!" Well, the nausea got bearable anyway and the burning fist in my gut that went with it, settled down. The fog remained and the depression kept getting worse. I just couldn't function; didn't WANT to do anything! I spent hours on Facebook every day just playing games because I didn't have to think. Everything else went by the wayside and I do mean everything! My quality control work, my designing, housework, everything. I simply couldn't move or think anymore.
Now I get depressed in the winter but it always goes away once Spring hits and the flowers start popping up. This year, that never happened.

Well, it has been 2 months, my smoking is half of what it was but not completely gone and I went to the dr and said enough is enough. The depression was killing me and I was tired of not being able to do anything or enjoy anything day in and day out. I was tired of feeling like I had morning sickness every day. I was just plain tired of it all. (Perhaps the depression talking? lol)

I am starting to feel better, my head is so much clearer it is really amazing! I actually got some QC work done yesterday, listened to music, danced around the livingroom and just plain felt pretty darn good all day! Hubby was so happy when last night, I was happy for a change. I am still smoking and fear I will never be able to stop. This was pretty much the last in the line of things to try. I am not going to worry about it for now though. I am going to get my body and mind back together and then go from there. I have enough to think about with deciding whether or not to have surgery on my thyroid or stay on those meds. I can't have iodine treatments because I am severely allergic to iodine. The meds are working at the moment but I go up and down over time so the dr thinks surgery is the answer to get and keep it under control. It's a big decision though because of course, who wants surgery of any kind! Plus, I feel the meds can be adjusted when necessary but if they cut out 2/3's of the thyroid, that's it! It's not coming back! If it doesn't work, then it's meds for life anyway! Of course, if it does work, it means no more meds ever again! (For those who don't know, I have Hashimoto's disease.)
At least now, with my mind clearer, maybe I can think better about having the surgery or not.

So, now you know why I have been missing in action. I am so sorry! I had no idea it had gotten so bad actually until hubby commented one night about how depressed I was. I am glad to be among the living again and not a zombie, just moving through my days, going through the motions. I will try to get back on track with the postcards but it may be a little bit yet. My head is just starting to clear and I have a million things I really need to catch up on.
Thanks for hanging in there and checking in! Thank you for the comments you have left, even though I was gone! You have no idea how much that meant to me today, to open up the blog and see them! :o) Thank you!

Ok, I am off to get some work done!
Have a wonderful day everyone!